How to write your wedding vows

More and more couples are choosing to write their own wedding vows. It’s just another aspect of a celebrant led wedding that makes the day more personal and intimate.

But it also feels overwhelming… such a big task, especially if you don’t think you’re a natural writer.

I always offer guidance and it’s incredible how few couples actually need me once they get started. I always ask my couples to send me their vows separately so that they are a surprise on the day for the other person, and 95% of the time they align – a good sign!

Here are a few suggestions to get you started:

• Talk to one another before you start. While your vows are going to be a surprise for the other on the day, it’s worth talking about what style, length etc you will go for. Will they be serious and from the heart or will you include some humour in there too? It’s a good idea to agree on how many words you’re going to write so that one of you doesn’t ramble on while the other has 50 words in bullet form. You only want them to be a minute or two long - that’s about 300 words.

  
  

• Go with your heart! These are the promises you are making to one another that you plan to uphold for the rest of your lives. They apply through good times and difficult times and this is an opportunity to tell your loved one that you will be there for them, no matter what.

  
  

• Think about things that are unique to you both that you can mention in your vows. Has one of you been through a particularly difficult time? Do you love to do a specific activity or hobby together? Mention them, even if vaguely.

  
  

• Tell your loved one how much you love them, why you love them, and what they mean to you. How they have changed your life, helped you grow etc.

  
  

• Think: I will adore you. I will cherish you. I will always be beside you, kind of thing. Vows are about commitment, so make promises and try not to be generic. By making specific and personal promises, the vows become uniquely yours.

  
  

• Consider an opener – touching on the significance of the day and your love. For example, “Today, as we are surrounded by the people we love, I am so grateful for the joy you bring into my life. This day marks the start of a lifetime together, and I want to make promises that honour our love.” Followed by a few personal vows (3-5 max), and then a closing statement – a heartfelt conclusion about your future together.

  
  

• End with something strong. For example: “No matter what life brings, I choose you, today, tomorrow and for ever”.

  
  

• This one seems obvious, but make sure your words sound like YOU. So while a bit of ChatGPT is helpful, get rid of any words or phrases that you would never use in real life.

  
  

• Get your celebrant involved. Use them as a sounding board. If you send both sets of vows to your celebrant, they can make sure that they are aligned.

Every couple is, and should be different which means their style and format will vary. There are no rules when it comes to writing your vows, they should be an expression of who you are and how you feel.